


All We Stay is Friends

by reyofdarkness (mitslits)



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy, Star Wars VIII: The Last Jedi
Genre: College AU, F/M, Friends With Benefits, Light Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-01
Updated: 2018-02-01
Packaged: 2019-03-12 08:44:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,941
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13543794
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mitslits/pseuds/reyofdarkness
Summary: Wanting to find her parents, Rey moves to America where she finds distraction in her studies and the ever-mysterious Kylo Ren. When she finally discovers her parents' fate, however, things start changing in every area of her life.





	All We Stay is Friends

**Author's Note:**

> thanks to sheepie and sarkany both for beta'ing and for putting up with a lot of whining about this lol
> 
> happy birthday, mj~

_ We were just having sex _ _  
_ _ No, I would never call it love.  _

_ But, love, oh no, I think I’m catching feelings. _

_ ~  _ Sex _ , Eden _

Rey wakes slowly. She doesn’t open her eyes right away, content to just lie there and listen to Kylo breathing next to her. From the sound of it, she can tell that he’s still asleep.

Eventually, she forces her eyes open, the urge to relieve herself too strong to ignore any longer. She picks her way across the room, scooping up the first piece of discarded clothing she comes across - Kylo’s boxers, as it turns out. She pauses to wiggle into them and the shirt they’re lying on top of. It comes down almost to her thighs. 

Rey slips out of the room and heads towards the bathroom. She has to pass by Kylo’s roommate’s door, which he’s left open, as always. 

Of course he steps out as Rey is passing by. The redhead - Hugs? Hucks? - pauses at the sight of her, lip curling a bit in judgment at her lack of attire. “Oh.  _ You’re _ here.” 

“Specifically to bother you,” Rey says, tilting her chin up. “Did you need the bathroom too?” 

Hux’s eyes wander down to her bare thighs, but he yanks them back up smartly. “No. I’m leaving, actually.” 

Rey waggles her fingers at him in a sort-of wave and waits until he’s halfway down the stairs before moving again. If he’s not going to put in the effort to get along, neither is she. 

She stares at herself in the mirror while she’s washing her hands. She looks like she spent the night in some boy’s bed. She’ll be walk-of-shaming it home again. One corner of her mouth curls into a smirk.  _ Worth it.  _

By the time she makes it back to the bedroom, Kylo is sitting there waiting for her. He looks just as bad as she does, hair mussed, dark circles under his eyes, that slightly dazed look of having just woken up. 

Something warm and desirous expands in Rey’s chest. The slow drag of Kylo’s eyes over her body doesn’t help as he takes in what she’s wearing. 

“You look good like that,” he says, voice morning-low. 

“Like what?” Rey asks. She busies herself hunting down her scattered clothes instead of staring at him. 

Kylo pushes himself up a little straighter in the bed, sheets pooling around his bare waist. “Like you belong to me.” 

Rey’s shirt falls from her hands. She climbs back into the bed, slings one leg over Kylo’s hips, and settles into his lap. “Hmm,” she hums as she loops her arms around his neck, fingers tugging the short hairs at the nape of his neck. “Let’s get one thing straight, shall we? I don’t belong to anyone.” She punctuates the words with a long, slow roll of her hips. “You included.” 

Kylo groans and settles his hands on her hips. “Tell me you don’t have to work today.” 

Rey smirks and rolls her hips again. “Class starts at 10.” 

Kylo groans again as she climbs off him and goes back to collecting her stray clothes. He watches her, pouting as she shimmies out of his boxers. 

When she grabs her purse and heads for the door, Kylo makes a small noise of protest. “You can’t leave me like this.” He gestures to his lap where he’s obviously hard, the sheets slightly tented. 

Rey pauses with one hand on the door handle. “Last I checked, you had a perfectly serviceable right hand. I’m sure you’re already well acquainted.” With that, she leaves, closing the door on another of Kylo’s pitiful groans. 

~

Even practically sprinting in her rush to get there, Rey sneaks into Professor Skywalker’s class nearly 15 minutes late. 

He doesn’t even acknowledge the interruption as she slinks to the T.A.’s desk in the corner. There’s a stack of essays waiting for her, and she groans internally. No more nights with Kylo until she gets those finished, she promises herself. 

Rey starts looking them over as Luke continues his lecture on whatever ancient religion they’re covering that day. When she’d been a participant, she’d found the class fascinating. Now, with a stack of essays as thick as a sacred text staring her down, she’s less enthusiastic about it. 

Tuning out the lecture, Rey pulls the first one to her and begins to read. 

She doesn’t realize the class is over until Luke’s hand steals over the paper she’s trying to grade. Rey looks up to find him staring down at her, disapproval clear on his face. She winces. “I’m sorry I was-” 

“Late,” Luke interrupts. “Again.” 

Rey bites her lip and drops her gaze. “I know,” she says quietly. “I was busy this morning and lost track of time. It won’t happen again, I promise.” 

Luke snorts and pulls over a chair. “That’s exactly what you said the last time,” he says, lowering himself into it.

Guilt spikes through Rey as a darkened bedroom and soft moans flash through her mind. “This time I really promise.” 

Luke shakes his head, but there’s a faint spark of amusement in his eyes. “Sure you do.” He sobers slightly and leans in a bit closer. “It’s not news about your parents distracting you, is it?”  

Rey suddenly develops an intense interest in the paper she’d been going over. “No, sir.” 

Luke presses a hand to his heart. “I  _ must _ have upset you. You never call me ‘sir’.” 

Rey feels a smile tugging at the corner of her lips in spite of herself. “You’re all right,” she assures him. “I just… I thought I would have heard something by now.” 

Luke pats her arm and rises from his chair. “Let me make it up to you. I’ll buy lunch. We can bitch about how terrible these are.” He nods towards the essays. 

“They’re not that bad,” Rey says even as she stands and starts shoving them into her bag. 

Luke gives her a look that says ‘who are you trying to fool here, kid?’ 

Smile full-blown now, Rey picks up her bag and follows him to the dining hall. 

~

It’s moments like these when Rey thanks her lucky stars Kylo avoids campus like the plague. She doesn’t even want to think about how supremely awkward it would be if he showed up now while she and Luke are picking at salads and talking over student papers, given that he’s made her late to work on more than one occasion.  

She’d never considered that anyone  _ else _ might interrupt them.

But there Rose is, sliding into the seat next to Rey and chirping a cheerful hello. 

“Rose,” Rey says, casting an apologetic look towards Luke. She lowers her voice a notch or two. “I’m in the middle of something.” 

But Luke puts a hand up to forestall further protests. “It’s all right, I can tell when I’m not wanted.” He gives them both a wink to soften the words as he stands. “I’ll see you in class tomorrow, Rey. Preferably on time.” 

Rey’s cheeks heat up, and she stares down at her salad. “Yes, professor,” she mumbles. Once Luke has left, she turns to Rose. “This couldn’t have waited until I got back to the dorm?” she asks. 

Rose barely seems to hear her. “Rey. You didn’t tell me your boyfriend was totally adorable.” 

For a second, all Rey can do is blink dumbly at her friend. “Boyfriend?” she says eventually. “What are you talking about? I don’t have a boyfriend.” Maybe she messes around with Kylo sometimes, but he’s definitely not her boyfriend. Definitely not. And how would Rose know about him anyways? 

Rose arches her eyebrows. “Well, you’d better tell _ him _ that. He’s waiting for you in our dorm.” 

Rey nearly chokes. Kylo? In her dorm? What the hell is going on? “Can you throw this away for me?” she asks, nodding to what’s left of her salad. Without waiting for an answer, she pushes back her chair and practically jogs to her room. 

Kylo doesn’t come to campus. He never has, and Rey would bet money he never will. There’s too much of a chance he’ll run into his dad, Professor Solo, or worse, President Organa herself. But who the hell else could be waiting for her? 

Rey jams her key into the lock and throws the door open. The man standing near the window turns and - “Finn!” Rey gasps. She launches herself at him. 

Finn catches her, wraps her in his arms, and lets out a long, slow breath. “Rey,” he says warmly.

After a long minute, Rey pulls back just enough to look at him. It’s so good to see him after all these months. She’s missed his warm, dark eyes and kind smile more than she had realized. 

“I’ve missed you,” she says. “So much. But what are you doing here?” 

“Semester’s over for me,” Finn says, spreading his hands. “I thought I could come back home for a few weeks before the next one starts. Maybe get an internship and spend a few extra months here.” 

Rey beams up at him. “Come on, London can’t be that bad,” she teases. “I thought you  _ wanted _ to study abroad.” 

“I did,” Finn says. He places a hand over his heart. “But that was before I found out how much I missed my Rey of sunshine.” 

Rey snorts. “I see traveling hasn’t made your jokes any better.” 

“You love them,” Finn grins. 

“Adorable,” Rose chimes in from the doorway. 

Rey turns to find her watching the pair of them. 

“Sorry,” Rose says, twisting her fingers together. “Was I interrupting?” 

Finn shakes his head, and Rose steps into the room, looking relieved. 

“Finn, this is Rose, my roommate. Rose, this is Finn, my best friend,” Rey says. She doesn’t miss the very unsubtle wink Rose throws her way, but she just shakes her head at her. 

“Yeah, we’ve met,” Finn says. He slings an arm around Rey’s shoulders. “She’s the one who let me in, since you were busy being an adult.” 

Rey elbows him playfully. “One of us has to be.” 

Finn flops backwards onto her bed. “Nah, sounds boring.” He gestures for Rey to come over. 

She does, settling herself on the edge of the mattress. She slips her hand into Finn’s, and he strokes his thumb over her knuckles. “How was London?” she asks wistfully. 

Rose perks up. “You’re from London too?” she asks Finn. 

“Just visiting,” Finn says. He levers himself up on one elbow so he can see both of them. “Met Rey my freshman year and had to go to see if everyone was as lovely as her.” 

Rey blushes. “Shut up,” she mutters. 

“They aren’t, though,” Finn sighs. “I’m afraid our Rey is one of a kind.” He squeezes her hand. 

Rey feels tears pricking at the corners of her eyes. God, she’s missed him. 

Rose clears her throat and tilts her head towards the door. “I should go,” she says. “Let the two of you catch up. I’ll be seeing you?” There’s a hopeful lilt to her voice that makes Rey smile. 

“I’ll be around,” Finn says with a nod. 

Rose smiles, nods, and nearly bumps into the door on her way out. It clicks shut behind her. 

With a long sigh, Rey lowers herself down next to Finn. 

He strokes his fingers through her hair, the moment of silence stretching out between them.

Eventually, Finn clears his throat. “Any news on your parents?” he asks quietly. 

Rey turns her head and presses her face into his shoulder. 

“I’ll take that as a no.” Finn keeps combing his fingers through her hair, every so often brushing against the back of her neck. 

It takes a bit, but Rey does peel her face away from his shoulder eventually. “I went to that genetic testing center a few weeks ago. Supposed to get the results soon.” She chews on a thumbnail, eyes hovering somewhere around Finn’s chest. 

“Well, that’s good, yeah?” Finn nudges her until she actually looks at him. “Rey. You’re finally going to find out. Then you can come back to London with me, if you want.” 

Rey knows Finn is only trying to make her feel better, but her stomach is suddenly a mess of nerves. “I don’t know if I’m ready,” she says. “What if I meet them and they don’t like me? What if they don’t even want to meet me in the first place? What if-” 

“Hey.” Finn wraps his arm around her and pulls her close. “If they meet you, they’ll like you, okay? I’m pretty sure it’s impossible not to.” 

Rey closes her eyes and forces herself to calm down. “Thanks, Finn. I don’t know how I’ve survived without you, honestly.” 

“I don’t either,” Finn says, puffing his chest out. “I’m pretty great.” 

Rey laughs in spite of herself. “If you say so.” She settles her head on his chest and closes her eyes. “I’m going to nap on you, okay?” she mumbles, eyes already closing. 

Finn’s only response is a hand running up and down her back. 

~ 

When Rey blinks awake, the room is dark. She squints at the clock on her desk. It’s only a little after five, but the sun has already sunk below the horizon. She hates winter. 

Finn’s chest moves rhythmically beneath her, and Rey cranes her head up to find him asleep as well, mouth slightly open but not snoring. 

Nearby, Rey’s phone buzzes. 

Careful not to disturb Finn, she levers herself into a sitting position and roots her phone out from the papers it’s buried in. Right. She has essays to grade. 

Her phone buzzes again just as her hand closes around it. Kylo’s name flashes up on the screen in a small text box. 

_ want to meet up tonight? usual place?  _

Rey sucks her bottom lip into her mouth and chews at it. She does. Badly. But she made a promise to herself that she intends to keep, and besides, she can’t just abandon Finn. 

_ can’t. got papers to grade. _

He doesn’t reply. 

Still trying not to wake Finn, Rey settles herself at her desk. She’s getting some of this work done even if it kills her. 

~

By the time Finn snorts awake, Rey has made a decent dent in the stack of essays. 

“Sleeping Beauty,” Rey greets him. “Thought you weren’t going to wake up.” 

Finn rubs at one eye and glares at her balefully with the other. “Don’t blame me,” he says. “Blame the-” a yawn, “-jet lag.” 

Rey reaches over to pat his knee sympathetically. 

“What are you working on?” Finn asks, blinking blearily at her paper-strewn desk. 

“Teacher assistant things,” Rey mumbles. The better part of her attention is still focused on her work. 

Finn wrinkles his nose. “Sounds fun. You have to stop now, though, because if you’re being productive, that means I have to find something to do too.” 

“Like apply for one of those internships you mentioned earlier?” Rey asks. 

“Exactly like that,” Finn sighs. “And I don’t want to.” 

Rey pauses to smile over at him. “Maybe Rose can take you out somewhere while I finish the rest of these. Tomorrow.” She sets her pen down and flexes her fingers. If she has to see one more improper use of “their, they’re or there”, she is actually going to scream. 

“Yes!” Finn raises a fist in triumph. “Irresponsibility!” 

Rolling her eyes, Rey pushes back from her chair and grabs her purse. “Come on.” 

“Where are we going?” Finn asks even as he follows Rey out of the dorm. 

“To the best bar in town,” Rey says. “I need a drink.” 

Maz’s might actually be the best bar in the States, in Rey’s opinion. 

It’s a hole-in-the-wall place several miles from campus with the strangest mix of customers Rey has ever found, but she loves it. It manages to be modern and aged at the same time, with oak floorboards and faded wallpaper mixed right in with glass and chrome tables. There’s always live music; none of the bands have ever been familiar to Rey. They all have names like Used Condom or Shredded Radar Technician, but without fail, their music is enjoyable. 

Rey watches Finn’s face as they step inside, his eyebrows shooting up as he takes it all in. “You find a table, I’ll get the drinks?” 

Finn nods, looking a bit dazed as he wanders off into the sea of eclectic patrons. 

Rey weaves her way up to the counter and orders two beers. She turns around to find out where Finn ended up only to run smack into a wall of black fabric. She stiffens immediately, her eyes slowly traveling up to his face. It’s exactly who she thinks it is. “Kylo.” 

He’s got one eyebrow arched but other than that, his face gives nothing away. “Grading papers,” he says dryly, tilting his head down. 

Rey scowls. “I’m allowed to take a break.” 

The bartender sets down her two bottles, and Kylo’s eyebrow inches higher. 

“I’m here with a friend,” Rey says quickly. She’s not sure why she feels such a need to defend herself, but she doesn’t want Kylo to think she blew him off for no reason. 

Kylo just nods once. “Have fun.” He melts back into the crowd before Rey has the chance to respond. 

Face burning, Rey grabs the beers and searches desperately for Finn. She finally spots him sequestered away at a corner booth, tapping his fingers to the music of whatever oddly titled band is playing that night. She passes him a bottle and takes one for herself. 

Immediately, she takes as big a mouthful as she can handle. What was Kylo even doing there? She’d told him she couldn’t meet up. A horrible thought occurs to her, and her fingers tighten around the bottle. Maybe he’d only texted her because he had been there anyways. Maybe she was just  _ convenient.  _

“Hey,” Finn says, snapping Rey out of her thoughts. Her face must have been as stormy as her thoughts because he asks, “You all right?” 

Rey forces thoughts of Kylo out of her mind. She’s here with Finn, and they’re going to have a good time. “Yeah,” she says, pasting on a smile. “Yeah. Everything’s great.”

~ 

For the first time in a long time, Rey wakes with a hangover. Is it miserable? Yes. Does she feel like dying? Also yes. Is she going to let this stop her from getting to Professor Luke’s class on time? ...she hopes not. 

Rey is sitting up and flinging the covers back before she even has a chance to notice there’s another body in her bed. 

Finn grumbles and shoves his face further into the pillow. “Reeeey,” he groans. 

“Sorry,” Rey whispers. She tries to get out of bed without disturbing him more than she already has. “Have to get to class.” 

Finn makes another slightly disgruntled noise before settling back down. 

Rey notices Rose sitting up in her own bed, starting at her as she shoves essays into her bag. “Went to Maz’s last night,” she says quietly. “He couldn’t remember where he was staying. Did I ask you if he could stay over?” She’s trying to remember, but things get fuzzy after her fourth beer. She doesn’t remember much about getting back to the dorm. 

Shrugging, Rose lowers herself back down and pulls her covers back up. 

Rey rushes out of her dorm, practically sprinting through the halls. 

This is all Kylo’s fault. If he hadn’t been there, she wouldn’t have drank so much, and if she hadn’t drank as much, she wouldn’t have overslept, and okay, maybe there’s  _ some _ personal responsibility here, but that doesn’t change the fact that Kylo is annoying. 

_ If he’s that annoying, _ a small voice whispers in the back of her mind,  _ you could always stop sleeping with him.  _

Rey tells that little voice to shut up.  

She rushes into Luke’s classroom just as he clears his throat to start his lecture. With an inaudible sigh of relief, Rey slips into her desk chair and pulls out her papers. 

Staring at so many words while Luke drones on about deification does absolutely nothing to help Rey’s headache. It pounds behind her eyeballs and throbs in her temples, like it’s trying to crawl out of her head and be free. She wishes she had at least thought to bring aspirin. Or a bottle of water. 

Eventually, blessedly, the class ends, and Rey only has to make it through one more chorus of rustling backpacks and scraping chairs before there’s blissful silence. 

It only lasts for a moment.

Luke pulls his chair up to Rey’s desk. “Nice to have you with us today.” 

Rey manages not to wince, but only just. HIs voice bounces around in her head like a pinball. “I finished the essays,” she says and pushes the stacks forward. 

“Industrious,” Luke says. He starts rifling through them as if he doesn’t quite believe her. A cursory glance seems to satisfy him, though, and he nods his approval. “Just take a look at the comment boards tonight, make sure people have responded on time. Easy stuff.” He stands, a clear dismissal, and Rey takes her chance to get away. 

The bottle of water Rey downs before her first actual class helps a little, but not enough. She finds Rose in the lecture hall and slides into the seat next to hers, closing her eyes and wishing for death. 

“Too much fun at Maz’s?” Rose asks, poking at her. “You look terrible.” 

“Shhh, don’t say that.” Rey slumps down in her seat. “I’m pretending I’m fine.”

Rose pats her shoulder sympathetically. “You look wonderful. Also, I have aspirin in my purse if you want some.”  

Rey accepts it gratefully. When she notices how much Rose is fidgeting beside her, she clears her throat. “Everything okay?” she asks. 

Tugging at a stray lock of hair, Rose glances around, leans in, and asks in an undertone, “Is Finn really not your boyfriend?” 

Rey can’t help but laugh a little. She lowers her voice to match Rose’s conspiratorial tone. “We’re just friends, I promise.” 

Rose keeps tugging at her hair even as she straightens up and faces the front of the classroom. 

It takes most of Rey’s concentration to puzzle out what the professor is saying and copy it into her notebook, but halfway through the lecture, she notices Rose furtively tapping away at her phone. Rey smiles slightly to herself. She has a pretty good idea who she’s texting.

~ 

Rey finds Finn on her way back to her dorm, or more accurately, Finn finds her. 

“Rey!” He catches her up in a hug from behind that startles Rey so much, she almost screams. 

“Finn,” she gasps when he finally releases her. The world seems to be spinning even more than it had been beforehand. “You nearly gave me a heart attack.” 

“Sorry,” Finn says with a grin that says he’s not sorry at all. “Are you planning anything for us tonight?” 

Rey shakes her head and regrets it immediately. Too much movement. “No,” she says, after things have settled back in place. “Why? Was there something you wanted to do?” 

Suddenly, Finn looks almost nervous. “Not really. It’s just… well, Rose wanted to take me out someplace, that’s all.” 

A smile spreads slowly across Rey’s face, and she waggles her eyebrows. “Oh,  _ really? _ ” 

“What?” Finn asks, starting to look a little defensive. “She’s nice. Unlike  _ some _ people I could mention,” he mutters. 

Rey grins and elbows him. “I’m nice! Go have fun with Rose. I’m sure I can find something to do tonight.” 

Finn’s smile is back again, as bright and sunny as ever. “Thanks, Rey.” 

Rey just shakes her head. “Nothing to thank me for. Now don’t keep her waiting.” 

Finn gives her a jaunty salute. “Wouldn’t dream of it.” He goes. 

~

Kylo’s mouth is on her breast, one hand between her legs. His other arm is wrapped around her waist, holding her close to him. 

Rey tangles her fingers in his hair and presses her lips together to keep back moans. But she can’t take this forever. “Kylo,” she breathes. “Please.” 

His arm tightens, and he lays her on her back. Then he’s looming over her, pushing into her, and the sounds she’s been holding back come flooding out. 

Rey’s fingers move over the familiar knobs of his spine, the ridges of his ribs. She arches into his touch as he mouths at her neck. 

He knows this part of her, teases sounds from her with the scrape of his teeth, the slow, lazy way he draws out of her so she can feel every inch of him. When he’s _ too _ slow, Rey wraps her legs around his waist, her arms around his neck, and pulls him closer. 

Kylo’s pace turns more erratic, the rhythm he’d set distengrating the closer he gets to the end. 

But he won’t come until Rey does. He never has. 

This time, as always, he waits until Rey’s legs tighten further around his waist and her lips part in a wordless cry. Kylo buries himself inside her as he follows after. 

For a moment, there is only the sound of their breathing, their chests heaving together. Then Kylo pulls out of her and she lays on her side until he returns, slides in behind her, and pulls her to his chest. 

“Was it good?” he asks quietly. 

Rey almost laughs. This, too, is a tradition of theirs. She gives him the same answer she always does. “If it wasn’t, I wouldn’t keep coming back.” 

Kylo just hums, his thumb stroking the soft skin between her breasts. 

After a minute, Rey clears her throat. “You’re getting me in trouble, you know.” 

Kylo’s thumb stops moving, and he levers himself up on one elbow to look down at her. “How?” he asks, one eyebrow arched. 

“I was late to class the other day after we slept together, so I couldn’t skip today when I had a hangover,” Rey pouts. 

Kylo’s expression shifts from curious to skeptical. “That sounds more like you’re getting  _ yourself _ into trouble and blaming me.”

Rey rolls onto her back so she can see him better and bats her eyelashes innocently. “That’s exactly what’s happening.” 

A smile tugs at the corner of Kylo’s mouth, and then he does something that surprises them both. He leans down and kisses her. 

Rey blinks up at him when he pulls away. “What was that for?” she asks, a little breathless. 

Kylo’s mouth opens, but he doesn’t answer right away. “I just wanted to,” he says after a minute. 

The words send something warm and comforting trickling down Rey’s spine, and she tilts her chin up. “Well, want to again.” 

Kylo leans in and presses his lips back to hers. 

That night, Rey leaves feeling lighter than she has in a long time, the last of her hangover fading into memory. 

~

That lightness doesn’t last long. 

Rey stops by the campus post office before going back to her dorm. An envelope is waiting for her. 

The logo for the genetic testing center stares up at her impassively. Her parents are in here. 

For a second, Rey feels like she’s going to faint. All this time, and now the only thing that separates her from her family is a thin manila envelope. She shoves it as deep as it will go into her pocket and half hopes it will fall out as she walks. 

And yet she compulsively checks to make sure it’s still there. 

Rey is so distracted, she’s completely forgotten about Finn and Rose. She bursts into her room to find the two of them sitting suspiciously close together on Rose’s bed, but she doesn’t even comment. 

Finn and Rose instantly spring apart. One look at Rey’s face quells the excuses on their lips. 

“I just remembered there’s something I need to do… somewhere,” Rose says, inching towards the door. “I’m going to go… do that. Feel better, Rey.” With that, she leaves, casting a worried look at Rey as she goes. 

Finn wraps his hands around her wrists and guides her to a seat. “Rey?” he asks. His voice is gentle but his eyes are intense, as if he can find the cause of her trouble if he only looks hard enough. 

Moving as if in a dream, Rey pulls out the envelope. “My parents.” 

Finn’s eyes go wide with understanding. “They found them.” 

“Yes,” Rey says flatly. 

Silence falls as they both stare at the envelope. Seconds turn into minutes. It’s Finn who eventually breaks it. 

“Are you going to open it?” 

Rey’s grip on it tightens. “I can’t,” she whispers, voice trembling. “I  _ can’t. _ ”

Finn grimaces. “Rey…” 

“No, Finn. I don’t want to know. I thought I did, but I don’t.” Her fingers tighten further around the envelope. “I don’t want to know why I didn’t fit into their ‘American dream’. I don’t want to know why they left me behind. I don’t-” Her voice cracks, and she has to suck in a deep breath. 

Finn takes the hand that isn’t strangling the envelope, links his fingers with hers, and squeezes. “You came all this way to find them,” he reminds her. “Some part of you must still want this.” 

It’s more than some part of her; it’s all of her. But Rey has never been more afraid.  _ They’re just names, _ she tells herself.  _ Just names on a piece of paper.  _

Rey sucks in another deep breath - and sets the envelope aside. “No,” she says. “Not tonight.” She’d been feeling so  _ good _ . She just wants to hold onto that for a little longer. 

“Okay,” Finn says. He places it on her desk and gives her hand another squeeze. “Maz’s?” 

Rey sighs in relief. “Maz’s.” 

~

She doesn’t let herself get drunk, no matter how much she wants to. She has work to do tomorrow, classes to attend, and an envelope to open. 

Finn does his best to distract her with stories of his roommate over in London, some guy named Poe. Apparently, he’s a terror to R.A. Holdo. 

Rey tries to let herself get sucked into Finn’s anecdotes, but curiosity eats away at her as the night wears on. 

“Finn,” she says, interrupting another tale in which Poe is making their R.A.’s life a living hell, “do you think I should just throw it away? Do you think I made a mistake with all of this?” She could have just stayed in London. It could have been so easy. 

Finn goes quiet for a long moment as he fiddles with the peeling label on his beer bottle. Finally, he meets her eyes. “If you hadn’t come here, we wouldn’t have met. You’re the closest thing to family I have. And it might be selfish, but I’m glad things have happened the way they have. You’re worth all of it.” 

For the second time that night, Rey finds herself choking back tears. “God, Finn, what would I do without you?” She wraps her arms around him and buries her face in his shoulder. 

“Die, probably,” Finn says, and she can practically hear the smile in his voice. 

Rey giggles and presses her face in harder. If no one can see her tears, they aren’t real. “Probably,” she says, voice muffled. 

“Guess that means I’m stuck here,” Finn sighs. “With you and Rose.” 

Rey pulls back and wipes her eyes. “Which I’m sure you’re torn up about,” she snorts. 

Finn tips his beer towards her, grinning lopsidedly. “Devastated.” 

They stumble back to Finn’s hotel room a few hours later, Finn because he’s had one too many, and Rey because Finn is goddamn heavy. 

It’s a relief to get him off her shoulder and into his bed. By the time she gets his socks and shoes pulled off, he’s already snoring. 

“Goodnight, Finn,” she says quietly. 

The only reply she gets is another snore. 

Fond smile on her lips, Rey flicks off the lamp and heads back toward campus alone.

~

The envelope taunts her all throughout the next day, but Rey doesn’t listen to it. She checks the comment boards for Professor Skywalker. She goes grocery shopping and does laundry, even though she doesn’t really need to do either. She texts Finn to ask if he’s okay and texts Rose to let her know that she is. 

But finally there’s nothing left but Rey and the envelope. 

She sits and turns it over in her hands. What will she do when she knows? She could confront them, she supposes. Hunt them down and ask them point-blank how they could have given her up. Or maybe she could just watch them from afar. They probably don’t want to talk to her, so why should she want to talk to them? 

Her traitorous mind keeps circling back to one other scenario, the one that she’s dreamed about since she was a child. 

Maybe what she’ll get is an apology. Maybe her parents will tell her it was all a mistake, that they had never meant to leave her behind after all. 

A shudder ripples down Rey’s spine. She can’t stand it any longer. She has to know. 

Rey takes a deep breath and rips into the envelope. A single piece of paper waits inside. With trembling hands, she unfolds it. 

Their names are there in stark, black ink, but that isn’t what catches her eye. No, Rey’s focus is immediately drawn to what’s written beside their names in big block letters. 

DECEASED. 

Rey stares at that word until it seems like it’s the only one in the world. Everything she’d imagined, everything she’s ever pictured playing out, shatters into pieces. 

The letter falls from her hands. She sits on her bed, staring emptily at the wall. Why hadn't she considered this? It had always been a possibility. In her heart, she knows it was because she hadn’t let herself. Thinking about it would have made it a reality. Clearly, not thinking about it has done the same. 

Abruptly, Rey goes ramrod straight. She’s not going to think about this right now. She’s just… not. She grabs her phone, clutching it like a lifeline as her fingers fly over the keys. 

_ can i come over?  _

Kylo responds only seconds later. 

_ yes _

Rey is up and moving before she can get lost in her own head. 

No sooner has Kylo opened the door than Rey is stepping in and shutting it behind her. She doesn’t say a word, just drops to her knees and unbuttons Kylo’s jeans. She tugs his pants down to the floor, his underwear right after. 

Barely pausing to take a breath, Rey takes him into her mouth. 

“ _ Christ, _ Rey,” Kylo hisses, his fingers tangling in her hair. 

Rey chokes a little but doesn’t pull off. She gives herself a second to adjust before running her tongue along his length. She only lets herself think about the heavy weight of his cock on her tongue, the salt tang of precome as she works at him. The slight scrape of nails on her scalp helps too, keeps her grounded. 

“Rey,” Kylo breathes, and she knows what it means. 

She swallows down every last drop, runs her tongue over the head to make sure of it, before pulling off. 

Kylo looks down at her with lust-blown eyes, hair plastered to his forehead with sweat. He leans down, wraps her up in his arms, and sets her on the bed without a word. Just as she’d done, he rids her of her clothes, dipping his head between her thighs. 

Rey gasps at the first touch of his tongue. She digs her fingers into the sheets and pulls them taut, allowing herself to be swept up in sensation. It’s bliss, knowing nothing but the waves of pleasure that roll over her. 

Then he pushes her over the edge and for one glorious moment, there is only ecstacy. But all too soon, the moment fades, and Rey is brought violently back to herself. 

_ My parents are dead.  _

To her horror, Rey finds herself crying. 

“Um. Okay.” Kylo clears his throat, still bracketed by her legs. “Did I do something wrong?” 

“Shut up,” Ray snaps, even though she knows it’s unfair. She squeezes her eyes shut. 

“But you’re cry-” 

“I said shut up!” Rey is out of the bed in an instant, tugging her clothes on as quickly as she can. 

Kylo watches her as she does, baffled but not trying to stop her. 

Rey is crying in earnest by the time she’s stormed over to the door. She pauses halfway through, turning to look back at Kylo. “You’re a fucking idiot, Ben Solo.” 

Shock flickers across his face quickly followed by hurt, and he opens his mouth as if to say something. 

Whatever it is, Rey isn’t sticking around to hear it. She slams the door shut behind her. 

~

Rey finds Finn waiting for her in her dorm. He’s holding her abandoned letter, and he looks up at her as she comes in. “Come here.” He opens his arms. 

Rey steps into them and buries her face in his chest. 

They stay that way for a long time until Rey finally calms enough to pull away and wipe at her eyes. “Sorry. Sorry. I didn’t mean to cry all over you.” 

Finn brushes it off immediately. “Do you  want to talk about it?” he asks. 

Rey shakes her head. She would still prefer not to even think about it, really, but she knows she will. “Could you maybe… stay with me for tonight?” 

“Yeah. Done,” Finn says. “I can stay here as long as you need me.” 

That sets Rey crying all over again. Finn pulls her into another long hug, and eventually she cries herself to sleep. 

~

The next morning finds Rey tucked under Finn’s arm with a big bag of assorted chocolates, courtesy of Rose. She had finally brought herself to read the rest of the letter. Her mother had died just two years after arriving in America, her father not long after that. Rey had never stood a chance of finding them. 

She doesn’t know if that makes it better or worse.

Dimly, she hears someone knock on her neighbor’s door. A familiar voice has her bolting straight up. 

“Where’s Rey?” 

Rey scrambles out from under Finn’s arm and throws the door open. “ _ Kylo? _ ” 

He and Rey’s confused-looking neighbor both look over at her. 

Relief fills Kylo’s gaze. “Rey.” He moves over to her, and the neighbor retreats back into her dorm. 

For a second, Rey can only stare up at him, brow furrowed. “What are you  _ doing _ here?” she finally asks. 

“I wanted to see you,” he says quietly. “To make sure you were okay. Last night-” He cuts himself off, eyes flicking to somewhere over Rey’s shoulder. “Who the hell is he?” 

Rey glances behind her to find Finn watching the two of them. He wrinkles his nose at the question. “Right back at you. Rey?” 

Sighing, Rey turns back to Kylo. “Kylo, this is Finn. He’s my best friend. And Finn, this is Kylo. He’s…” 

“Leaving,” Kylo says, eyes still fixed warily on Finn. Reluctantly, he tears them away to focus back on Rey. “But I need to talk to you. Tonight.” 

She can feel the intensity radiating from him and nods. “Okay.” 

Then he’s gone, hunching into himself as if Leia or Han could pop out of the dorms at any moment. 

Rey watches him until he turns the corner out of sight before turning back to Finn. 

“Who  _ was _ that?” Finn asks. 

Rey shakes her head. “Just someone who helps me out sometimes.” She clears her throat. “Let’s go find Rose. I have chocolates to thank her for.” 

~

Rey almost doesn’t go. If she’s being honest, she’s more than a little embarrassed by everything that happened with Kylo, and she’s not looking forward to having a big, long talk about it. 

Yet she walks up the stairs to his room all the same, face already hot. 

Hux meets her on the way down and glares at her. “I hope you’re here to fix whatever you did,” he says. 

Rey pauses, brow furrowed. “Excuse me?” 

“Kylo,” Hux says as if it should be obvious. “I don’t know what you did, but he’s been sulking ever since he went to see you. He’s hellish enough to live with normally.” 

Rey keeps staring at him. “Sorry?” she finally ventures. 

Hux snorts. “I’m sure you are.” He shoulders past her and continues down the stairs, leaving Rey shaking her head behind him. 

Kylo doesn’t seem like he’s the only one that’s difficult to live with. 

Rey pauses again in front of his door. She takes a couple deep breaths, then forces herself to knock. 

The door opens almost immediately. 

“Rey.” 

There it is again, that soft voice she doesn’t know how to handle. She slips into his room but doesn’t sit down. Instead, she stands uncomfortably in the middle of the room, glancing between the bed and the door. She could still leave, run out of here right now. She takes half a step towards the door before stopping. She moves towards his chair instead, weaving around piles of dirty clothes and old food wrappers until she drops into it. 

Kylo tracks her with his gaze. He clears his throat. 

She freezes. 

“If I did something I shouldn’t have-” 

“You didn’t,” Rey says quickly. “It wasn’t your fault. The crying.” 

Kylo hesitates, reaches out like he’s going to touch her, drops his hand before he does. “Then what was it?” 

Rey sighs and closes her eyes. “Do you know why I even came to America?” she asks, opening them again. 

Kylo shakes his head. 

“I wanted to find my parents,” Rey says. She picks up a crumpled piece of notebook paper and picks at it just to have something to do with her hands. “They left me when I was little. I never really knew them, but I  _ wanted _ to. So I came here to find them. I spent my whole life trying to get here, and they’re dead.” She can feel tears threatening again, but she doesn’t allow them to fall. She’s had enough of crying. 

Kylo stares at her sympathetically. “I’m sorry.” 

Rey shoots out of the chair, hurling the paper ball at his chest. “And  _ you _ ,” she says, voice as hard as her eyes. “Your parents are right here, right in front of you, and you do nothing but avoid them.” 

Kylo’s sympathy melts away, replaced by something closer to anger. “That’s not fair,” he says. 

“Don’t talk to me about fair,” Rey snaps. 

“Rey-” 

“Ben.” She could swear he winces. “You tried so hard to get away from them, but you can’t, can you? You can pretend by holing yourself up in here and giving yourself that ridiculous name, but that doesn’t change anything. You still love them. And they still love you. Grow up and deal with it while you still have the chance.” 

Kylo’s face is a perfect mask, revealing nothing. “Get out,” he says. 

Rey doesn’t move. 

“Get out,” he says again. “Of my room. Of my house. Get. Out.” 

Frustration boils in Rey’s veins, but she obeys. She stomps down the stairs and only just manages not to slam the front door. 

She can’t bring herself to go home and face Finn or Rose, so she wanders along the streets instead. In all the years she’s been at the university, she’s never really done much in the way of exploring. 

It had all been temporary in Rey’s mind. All of it, the town, the university, Kylo. Just a stepping stone on the way to finding her parents. Without that, what is she doing here? There’s nothing. No one. 

Rey pulls out her phone and dials Finn’s number. 

“Hello?” Finn asks. “Rey?” 

“It’s me,” she says. 

She doesn’t say anything else for so long that Finn has to ask if she’s still there. “I’m here,” she says. “Finn, when you go back to London, I’m going with you.” 

Were it not for the sound of Finn’s breathing, Rey would have thought their call had been disconnected. “Rey, are you… are you sure about that?”

Rey only hesitates a moment. “Yes.”  

There’s another silence, shorter this time, before Finn says, “Okay. We’ll make things work, then. I promise.” 

“Thank you,” Rey breathes. She hangs up after that and keeps walking towards nothing in particular. 

~

T.A.-ing is hell the next day. 

Rey tries, she really does, but she can’t make herself focus. She spends most of the period staring at the far wall, Luke’s lecture nothing more than a buzz in the background. She has work to do. She should be doing it. But she can’t. 

It’s no surprise that at the end of the class, Luke makes his way over to her desk looking more than a little displeased. “You want to tell me why you haven’t done a single thing this whole time?” he asks. 

Rey starts. She hadn’t even realized class had ended. The disapproval on Luke’s face strikes a nerve, and she quickly looks away, fixing her gaze on the smooth, polished surface of the desk. Her mouth opens, but nothing comes out. 

Displeasure turns to concern. “Hey, are you okay?” Luke tries to meet her eyes, but Rey refuses to look up. “You can talk to me, if you want,” he continues, watching her with sympathetic eyes. “I know I’m only an old professor, but…” He trails off, shrugging. “Us old people like to think we’re wise.” 

Rey stares down at the desk for a long while, mentally debating. He already knows how much she’s put into finding them, but admitting that that won’t be possible out loud seems like it will make it something concretely real. But maybe it’s better that way. “I heard back about my parents.” Her voice sounds far away even to her own ears. “They’re gone.” 

Luke sits across from her silently. He doesn’t say anything about the way her voice cracked on the last word, or the tears he can see brimming in her eyes. Instead, he reaches out and settles a hand on her shoulder. “Rey,” he says quietly. “I’m sorry.” 

“I think I should go,” Rey says quickly, pushing back from the desk. Her vision is beginning to blur, and she does  _ not _ want to cry in front of Luke. 

He lets her go without a word, watching her flee from the room with a soft sigh. 

~

It’s lonely for a while after that. Finn and Rose spend more time together as the semester starts winding down and Finn makes his plans to go back to London. 

Sometimes Rey hangs around in Maz’s, not drinking, just waiting. She doesn’t know for what. But her eyes drift towards the doorway every time some tall, dark-haired man wanders in. 

Her own exams at least help to keep her busy. She and Rose pore over their textbooks, quizzing each other on the classes they share and the ones they don’t. Flashcards and notebooks take over their dorm room, a creeping infestation of education. 

Finn makes such a show of not having anything to do and being  _ so bored  _ that they mutually agree to ban him from the room. He tries to apologize after that, buys them coffee and stands outside their door knocking until they relent and let him back in. 

Kylo doesn’t text her. She doesn’t text him either. 

She thinks about him, though, no matter how hard she tries not to. Memories well up when she’s most vulnerable, lying in her bed at night, trapped in the feeling of being on her own. 

_ ~ _

_ She lies with her hand on Kylo’s chest, his heart thrumming under her palm. “Kylo?” she asks.  _

_ “Hmm?” He sounds half-asleep already, but his arm tightens briefly around her shoulders.  _

_ “Don’t you ever miss them? Your parents?”  _

_ He stiffens underneath her, seeming to wake a little more. “No.” The answer is short, clipped, and a clear attempt to curtail any further conversation on the matter.  _

_ Rey doesn’t listen. She rolls onto her stomach, props her hands on his chest, and rests her chin on them, peering up at him intently. “Why not?”  _

_ Kylo levers his head up so he can see her. “Do we really have to talk about this right now?” He doesn’t look happy about it, but he hasn’t let go of her either, so Rey figures she’s still okay.  _

_ “Yes,” she says.  _

_ Sighing, Kylo lets his head fall back onto his pillow. “I just don’t.”  _

_ Rey snorts and digs her fingernails lightly into his chest, leaves little red half-moons behind. “That’s not an answer, and you know it.”  _

_ Kylo is quiet for so long that Rey finds her eyelids drooping. His voice, when it comes again, startles her. “They don’t miss me,” he says. “So I’m not going to waste my time missing them.”  _

_ Rey lets her head flop to one side. “How do you know they don’t miss you?” she asks.  _

_ “I live three miles from campus, and how many times do you think they’ve come looking for me?” Kylo mutters.  _

_ Humming, Rey shifts back until she’s lying beside him again, head tucked into the curve of his neck. “Maybe they’re just trying to give you some space,” she suggests, murmuring now. Kylo’s taken to running his hand along her spine, the bastard, and it’s making her sleepy.  _

_ “That’s all they’ve ever done,” he says harshly.  _

_ Rey makes a small noise in the back of her throat, but he’s done a good job of lulling her nearly to sleep. “Still,” she mumbles, tongue thick in her mouth, “might not be so bad to see them.”  _

_ Kylo traces lazy patterns against her skin and buries his face in her hair. “Go to sleep, Rey,” he says quietly.  _

_ Unwittingly, she obeys.  _

_ ~ _

_ Rey sits in the middle of Kylo’s bed, waiting for him come back from his shower. She would have gone with him, but every time they’d attempted to shower together, they’d gotten a little… distracted. Smirking to herself, Rey rolls out of the bed and pokes around the room, clothed only in a sheet.  _

_ For as many times as she’s been there, she’s never really looked around. Usually it’s dark, and she doesn’t stick around very long anyways.  _

_ Sheet clutched around her chest, she takes this opportunity to be nosy. There’s a paperback lying on top of the dresser and she picks it up, flips to the dog-eared page, scans a couple lines. Sci-fi, it looks like, but it doesn’t nearly satisfy her curiosity. She moves over to the bookshelf and there, tucked in amongst the other books, she strikes gold.  _

_ A middle school yearbook lies at the bottom of a precarious stack.  _

_ Rey pulls it out carefully, lips stretched wide in a smile. She’s not going to let Kylo hear the end of this. Returning to the bed, she flips immediately to the section showing the students, eyes eating up the pictures as she looks for one in particular.  _

_ He’s unmistakeable, even years younger. Black hair down to his shoulders, crooked smile (which is so adorable, she thinks she might die), and freckles spotted all over his skin.  _

_ It’s at that moment that he returns, towel wrapped around his waist, aforementioned black hair dripping onto his shoulders.  _

_ “Ben Solo, is it?” Rey asks, trying unsuccessfully to stifle a giggle.  _

_ Kylo’s head whips towards her, water droplets flying. His eyes narrow as soon as he sees what she’s looking at. “What are you doing with that?” he asks, stalking over to her and snatching it away.  _

_ Rey pulls her legs up onto the bed to sit cross-legged. “I was bored,” she says, not sounding the least bit apologetic. “You were a really cute kid, you know that?”  _

_ Scowling, Kylo shoves the yearbook back underneath the others. “What, am I ugly now?”  _

_ Rolling her eyes, Rey moves to stand on her knees, arms crossed over her chest. “No,” she tells him, letting her eyes wander very obviously over his body. “Ben Solo,” she repeats, lingering over the name as if she’s tasting it.  _

_ “Don’t call me that,” Kylo mutters. He moves over to his dresser, yanking open the drawers a little more forcefully than necessary.  _

_ Rey watches him, slightly bemused. “Why not? Ben’s a nice name.”  _

_ Kylo half-turns, mouth working at nothing. “Because it’s annoying,” he finally snaps.  _

_ “Okay, okay,” Rey says, getting off the bed and moving over to him. She places a hand lightly in the small of his back, slipping between him and the dresser. She twines her arms around his neck. It’s a bit of a stretch what with him standing upright, and she has to go up a bit on her toes. “I’m sorry for upsetting you.”  _

_ Kylo huffs once, but bends a little so she can stand flat-footed. “It’s fine,” he mutters. “Anyway. Shower’s free.”  _

_ Rey pops back up onto her toes to kiss him once, briefly, before she’s heading off to take her own shower, Kylo’s sheet still wrapped around her shoulders.  _

_ ~ _

_ She does eventually ask him about his name again. They’re at Maz’s this time, a few drinks in, and the question has been bugging her all night. “Why Kylo?” she asks. “What’s so annoying about Ben Solo anyway?” _

_ Kylo’s hand tightens involuntarily around his beer, and he gives her a look practically begging her to leave off. “Why are you so stuck on this?” he counters.  _

_ Shrugging one shoulder, Rey leans over the table to get closer to him. “I’m curious.”  _

_ “I’ve noticed,” he sighs. He pushes the bottle back and forth between his hands, picks at the label, does everything but look at Rey.  Then he sags back against the seat and turns half-lidded eyes her way. “Kylo doesn’t mean anything to anyone,” he says quietly enough that Rey has to strain to hear him over the music.  _

_ Rey blinks, a little taken aback at actually getting an answer. “What?” she asks.  _

_ Kylo presses his lips together until they turn white and bloodless. “Ben Solo has all these expectations. Professor’s son, university president’s son. People expect something from someone like that. It’s easier to just be Kylo.” He grows more agitated as he continues. “It’s not even really  _ my  _ name. Ben Kenobi, that’s the real Ben. Sometimes, I think my parents liked him more than they ever liked me. Ben Solo,” he sneers. “Wishful thinking.”  _

_ Rey is left briefly dumbfounded. It’s foreign to her, the idea that anyone would connect you to someone other than… you. It’s always been her against the world, forging her own path, her own legacy. “Oh,” she says, and takes to picking at the label on her own bottle.  _

_ “Satisfied?” Kylo asks her, a bitter edge to his tone. He polishes off the rest of his beer in one go.  _

_ Not knowing how to respond, Rey stays quiet.  _

_ By the time they leave, Rey’s label is in tatters on the table, and there’s more than one empty bottle beside both of them.  _

_ She stumbles a bit as they’re coming out of the bar, and Kylo places a hand on her shoulder to steady her. She leans into his touch automatically, half-slumped against him as they head for the sidewalk.  _

_ Kylo guides her into a sitting position on the low wall between the sidewalk and the bar’s parking lot where they wait for a taxi to flag down.  _

_ “Hey,” Rey says, breaking the silence that had fallen between them.  _

_ Kylo’s only response is to look down at her.  _

_ “You’re wrong, by the way,” Rey says, tilting her head up against his shoulder. “Kylo  _ does  _ mean something to someone. He means a lot to me.” _

_ Her head lolls forward again as she scans the streets for a taxi. She doesn’t see the way Kylo looks at her.   _

_ ~ _

The last class of the semester rolls around, and Rey watches as the students file out of the door, chattering nervously about their upcoming finals. 

Luke sighs as he packs up his lecture notes for the last time and glances over at Rey. “I got you a little something,” he says as he zips his bag shut. 

Rey looks up from where she’s been packing up her own things. “You did?” 

Luke smiles and reaches into his pocket. “I thought I should show my appreciation for all your help this semester.” 

Rey flushes slightly at the praise. “Professor, you didn’t have to get me anything. I get paid for this, you know.” 

“I know,” he says with a shrug. “Take it anyways.” He holds something in his fist and waits until Rey holds her hand out for it. He presses it into her palm and Rey gazes down at it curiously. 

“A watch?” she asks. She picks up the small, silver-backed watch and holds it to her ear to hear it tick. 

Luke winks. “So you’ll always be on time.” 

Rey gives him a half-hearted glare before collapsing into giggles. “Maybe I do need this,” she says. “Thank you.” 

“It was no trouble,” Luke says. “And, hey, Rey. I really am sorry about your parents. But family can be what you make it. You haven’t lost your chance at one.” 

Slightly overwhelmed, Rey throws her arms around his neck. 

“If I had known I was going to get a hug out of this, I wouldn’t have bothered,” Luke grumbles. But he does wrap one arm around her in return. 

Someone clears their throat behind them. “I see you’ve taken to assaulting my students, Luke.” 

Rey turns to see President Organa herself watching the two of them with a wry smile. Her flush deepens in embarrassment, but Luke only shrugs. 

“I have to keep my reputation up  _ some _ how,” he says. “I’m surprised you’re here. I didn’t realize you could still find your way out of that office of yours.” 

Leia only shakes her head. “You’re impossible. I’ve come to tell you that your nephew has invited you to a family dinner.” 

For once, Luke is actually stunned silent. 

Rey glances between the two of them curiously. She hadn’t known Luke had a nephew. And isn’t Leia  _ Kylo’s _ mother?  So that would mean… “You’re Kylo’s uncle?” she squeaks. All this time, she’d been sleeping with her professor’s _ nephew?  _

Luke sighs wearily. “He is. You know him, it seems.” 

Rey chokes on her own spit. “Sort of. I mean, I’ve seen him-”  _ naked _ , her mind unhelpfully supplies, “-around.” She snaps her mouth shut before she can say something truly embarrassing. 

Seemingly oblivious to how close Rey has come to disaster, Luke turns to Leia. “A family dinner, huh? He’s not dying, is he?” 

Leia glares at him. “He’s not dying. And you’re coming to that dinner, like it or not.”

Luke puts a hand up to forestall her. “Rey,” he says, glancing her way. “You can go. You don’t need to be dragged into this.” 

Feeling distinctly like she’s already been dragged into this, Rey closes her hand around the watch and nods. As she moves away, she can hear Luke speculating about the odds of them all surviving a meal together. 

As soon as Rey gets out of the classroom, she leans back against the door, pressing the watch against her chest. Is Kylo really doing this? Trying to connect with them? She wants to believe it. 

It just seems too good to be true. 

~

Rey lies on her bed, running her thumbs along the edges of the watch. Her mind is still stuck on Kylo. It has been for the past few days. More than once, she’s picked up her phone, fully intent on calling him, but she hasn’t quite brought herself to do it. Sourly, she thinks she’s getting to be good at ignoring things that are important to her. 

The second hand ticks on. Rey reaches for her phone. 

It rings before she can do anything. Startled, the watch slips from her fingers. She presses the phone to her ear. “Hello?” 

The voice on the other end sends a thrill shooting down her spine. “It’s me.” 

“Kylo.” 

“Ben,” he says. “I… it’s Ben.” 

Rey sits up. “It is?” 

He ignores the question. “I want to see you again. Please.” 

“Okay,” Rey says. She doesn’t know who’s more surprised by her ready acquiescence: herself or Ben. 

“Okay,” Ben says, sounding more than a little relieved. “But not in my apartment. I want to take you somewhere.” 

A smile tugs at one corner of Rey’s mouth. “Why, Ben, that almost sounds romantic.” 

His reply is lost in the slamming open of Rey’s dorm room door and Finn’s loud, “Rey! I’ve got your ticket. We’ll be in London before you know it.” He goes quiet the instant he sees she’s on the phone and frowns apologetically. 

Rey just shakes her head at him and presses the phone to her ear more firmly. “Sorry,” she says. “I missed that.” 

“Is tomorrow okay?” Ben’s voice sounds slightly tighter than it had before. Or is she just imagining that? 

“Tomorrow is perfect,” Rey says warmly. “You can pick me up.” 

“I will.” And then he hangs up. 

Rey glares up at Finn. “Rude.” 

Finn cringes. “Sorry, sorry. Didn’t realize people even still talked on the phone. Here.” He holds out an airplane ticket. London suddenly seems so very far away. 

“Right,” Rey says. She takes it from him, staring at the destination. She’d been so desperate to leave. And it’s not like anything has really changed. Finn is still going. Rey’s eyes catch on the watch, and Luke’s words reverberate in her head.  _ Family can be what you make it.  _

Finn is the closest thing she has. But maybe it doesn’t have to be just him.

~

Rey has a hard time sleeping that night. A million conversations with Ben fly through her mind. She mentions Luke in all of them and swears to herself that she will not bring that up when she actually sees him. 

By the time the sun rises, she’s managed to snatch a few hours of what could almost be called sleep. She gets ready with a pronounced sort of nervousness that just doesn’t make sense. She’s seen Ben dozens of times. Why should this one be any different? 

She keeps telling herself that, yet her heart skips a beat when someone knocks on their door. 

Rey forces herself to take a deep breath before opening it. “Hey,” she says, forcing a smile. 

Ben gives her one in return that looks equally forced, and Rey curses internally. What’s happened to them? 

“Shall we go?” she asks, trying to mask her disappointment. 

Ben nods and walks her out to his waiting car with one hand in the small of her back. 

The light touch is at least somewhat familiar, and Rey’s nerves calm a little. At least until they’re speeding down the highway, neither of them saying a thing. 

Luke’s watch ticks on Rey’s wrist. She should not have worn the damn thing. The ticking drills its way into her brain until she feels she has to say something or she’ll go insane. “I slept with your uncle,” she says, her voice overloud in the silence. 

The car jerks crazily to one side as Ben looks over at her, eyes wide. “ _ What? _ ” 

“Oh my God.” Rey buries her face in her hands. “That’s  _ really  _ not what I meant.” 

Ben straightens the car, but his eyes haven’t gotten any less wide. “What the fuck, Rey.” 

Rey doesn’t pull her face out of her hands. “I almost told your uncle I slept with you. That’s what I meant.” She can see Ben gaping at her from the corner of her eye and clears her throat. “So it turns out I’ve been T.A.-ing for your Uncle Luke this whole semester.” 

Ben groans. “You’re kidding me.” 

Rey can’t help but smile a little. “I wish I was. But unless Leia was lying…” She trails off into a shrug. 

“What was my mom doing with you and Luke?” he asks, brow furrowed. 

Rey traces the edges of the watch again. “Inviting him to a family dinner.” She watches Ben’s fingers tighten on the steering wheel. 

“I didn’t know you knew about that,” he says quietly. 

Rey is startled by the raw edge in his voice, isn’t sure what put it there. She retreats back into silence. 

Eventually, Ben turns off onto a side road that leads to a tiny, dirt parking area. There’s a forest just beyond it, a sign proclaiming it the Starkiller Trail stuck in front of a small footpath. 

“What’s this?” Rey asks. She gets out of the car and pokes around the mouth of the trail. She hadn’t even known this place existed. 

Ben puts a guiding hand on her back and starts them down the trail. “Just a place I hang out at sometimes,” he says. “I thought you might like it.”

Little fireworks of anticipation shoot off in Rey’s stomach. But the farther they get down the trail without Ben pushing her against a tree to make out with her, the more that hope fizzles and dies. 

They walk for so long that Rey starts to wonder if Ben just suddenly got really into nature. Almost as soon as she thinks that, he comes to a halt. He isn’t looking at her, fists clenched at his side. 

Rey wants to ask him what’s going on, but she stays silent. 

“I don’t want you to go to London,” Ben says. He still isn’t looking at her. 

That is so far from what Rey expected that for a minute all she can do is gape at him. “How did you even know about that?” 

Ben does look at her then, and she can see tears glimmering in his eyes, threatening to fall but not there yet. “I heard your friend. On the phone last night.” 

“Oh.” Rey stands there for another minute. 

Ben keeps staring at her. “When are you leaving?” 

“This weekend,” Rey says. “The tickets are for Saturday.” 

Ben closes his eyes and scrubs at them angrily. “Why didn’t you tell me you were going?” 

Rey sucks her bottom lip into her mouth and chews on it instead of answering. “Because I was mad. Not just at you,” she finally says. “At everything. At my parents for being gone. At myself for needing them so much. I just wanted to get away from all of it. I wanted to go back home.” 

Ben pushes a hand through his hair. Defeat hangs around him like a cloud. “I’m not going to stop you,” he says. “But I will miss you.” 

“What, you don’t wanna leave everything behind and come with me?” Rey asks, a weak attempt at a joke. She’s dangerously close to crying again. She didn’t know one person could hold so many tears.  

Ben huffs out a laugh but it’s more to humor her than anything else. “I’ve been thinking about what you said,” he says. “You’re right. I can’t away get away from my parents. Well… I  _ could, _ but I haven’t. I was kind of an idiot,” he admits, smiling wryly. “Moving three miles away and calling it a rebellion.” Shrugging, his smile falls away. 

Rey takes a few steps towards him, reaching up carefully to cradle the side of his face with one hand. 

He doesn’t shy away from her touch, and the way he looks at her, like she’s the only thing he sees, makes her heart hurt. 

“You have to stay,” she says. 

Ben nods. “And you have to go.” 

Rey chews at her lip. “I’m… not sure I do,” she says hesitantly. 

Ben’s brow furrows, and he pulls back a bit, head tilted curiously. 

“Going back to London won’t change anything,” Rey says with a soft sigh. “My parents will still be gone. And it hasn’t really been home for a long time. Finn was my home, my family. And I love him. But I love you too.” The confession tumbles out of her, and she’s suddenly terrified at having said it. She does, probably has for a long time, but saying it aloud makes it real. She can’t take it back now.

Ben’s eyes fix on hers, awestruck. 

“I was wrong about not having anything here.” Rey forces herself to continue. “I have a job, classes, people who care about me. And people I care about too.” She reaches out to rest her hand over Ben’s heart, smiling softly up at him. “Besides. Finn’s only got one more semester abroad. Eventually, he’ll be coming back here. So when you think about it, there’s really nothing for me in London at all.” 

“So…” Ben stops, swallows, carries on. “So you’re staying?” 

Nodding, Rey reaches up to twine her arms around his neck. “I’m staying.”  

Rey gets her wish then. Ben has her back against a tree before she really knows what’s going on, and then his lips are on hers in a passion. 

Rey could really get used to this. 

~

Finn doesn’t seem at all surprised by Rey’s decision. “Figured you’d come to your senses eventually,” he says, looking a little disappointed all the same. 

“So wanting to go with you was insanity?” she teases. 

Finn holds his index finger an inch from his thumb. “Little bit.”  

It’s hard to say goodbye, but Rey knows she’ll see him again. She and Finn aren’t meant to be apart for too long. They’ll find their way back to each other eventually. 

As for Ben, meeting the family proves to be so awkward, Rey almost wishes they hadn’t started rebuilding bridges. 

Despite Luke’s fears, they’d all survived the first family dinner, and now they were something of a monthly tradition. 

The first time Ben invites Rey along, she spends half the day getting ready. 

Ben watches her with a sort of confused amusement. “What’s the point?” he asks as she tries the third fancy hairstyle. “You’ve met most of them already.” 

Rey huffs and rips her hair out of the bun she’d put it in. “Not like this,” she points out. “And you can shut up. You won’t even have to deal with all this.” 

That sours the mood a little, but later Ben kisses her long and hard enough that Rey’s anxiety evaporates. 

Eventually, they even make it over the Solos. 

Leia looks a little surprised to see Rey, but she hides it quickly and doesn’t comment on it, just ushers the two of them in. 

“Who’s this?” a man who must be Han Solo asks as he catches sight of Rey. 

Ben slips his arm around Rey’s waist. “She’s mine.” 

Rey goes red all the way down to her collarbone, but she can’t deny the small curl of warmth that flares to life in the pit of her stomach. “What he  _ means _ is, we’re together,” Rey clarifies. 

Milk runs into Luke’s beard as he splutters. When he stops coughing, he looks between the two of them, eyes glittering. “So when you said you knew him-” 

“Luke,” Leia says sharply, and he bursts out laughing. 

“All right, I promise I will try to behave. But you don’t make it easy on me, do you?” Luke asks, rolling his eyes toward the ceiling. 

Rey’s face doesn’t get back to its normal color for a very long time, but she doesn’t even care. She came to America to find family, but as she tucks herself into Ben’s side, she thinks maybe this could be enough. 


End file.
